FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Unusual things they don’t tell you about the lifestyle
Unusual things they don’t tell you about the lifestyle
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I have some friends who are totally novices and asked if I could explain things when going to a a club or party. It's a very strange encounter for a first goer There’s complicated crossovers with varying (and sometimes conflicting) rules and etiquettes between the lifestyle community and the hotwife, cuckhold, BDSM, and LGBTQ communities.
All women are bi and no men are bi (sarcasm intended).
D*unk encounters are a terrible idea.
Any other advice |
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"There are sometimes groups of men that wander around looking lost. They remind me of the ducks you see at the park x
I find that guys can be quite shy and tend to stick together like ducks "
It is quite daunting going to a club on your own or for the first time, sometimes even second, third, fourth time x |
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Yes, don't see it as your lifestyle. If you friend on swinging to define your way of living you're going to struggle sooner or later.
That also never, ever take one for the team and always have enough money to get home under your own steam |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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People talk about the most mundane things like they are at a bus stop, even though people are having sex feet away. I’ve heard weather, energy prices and golf, as if the conversationalists were oblivious to where they actually are  |
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"People talk about the most mundane things like they are at a bus stop, even though people are having sex feet away. I’ve heard weather, energy prices and golf, as if the conversationalists were oblivious to where they actually are "
How one dimensional would a person be if all they ever talked about was sex? |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"People talk about the most mundane things like they are at a bus stop, even though people are having sex feet away. I’ve heard weather, energy prices and golf, as if the conversationalists were oblivious to where they actually are
How one dimensional would a person be if all they ever talked about was sex?"
I meant more time and place appropriate. They are watching people having sex but talking about normal everyday things at the same time. Seemed incongruous to me  |
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There's a drink and d*ug cultural that many wouldn't believe. It's common for people to be pissed before playing, we've declined offers from intoxicated people. There's a lot of drama that goes on that isn't seem on Fab, there's stuff that goes on every weekend at clubs. |
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"People talk about the most mundane things like they are at a bus stop, even though people are having sex feet away. I’ve heard weather, energy prices and golf, as if the conversationalists were oblivious to where they actually are "
Heard some watchers in a big open play room talking about keeping chickens. It was a bit of a passion killer to be honest. lol. |
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That despite many couples wanting to meet the ultimate: a unicorn, an attractive single woman will still be left at a bar, on a couples / single ladies club night with no-one approaching or chatting to her all night 🤦🏻♂️ |
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"That despite many couples wanting to meet the ultimate: a unicorn, an attractive single woman will still be left at a bar, on a couples / single ladies club night with no-one approaching or chatting to her all night 🤦🏻♂️"
This has happened to me a few times when I first got brave enough to go the clubs. My resting bitch face must have been set to high x |
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"I have some friends who are totally novices and asked if I could explain things when going to a a club or party. It's a very strange encounter for a first goer There’s complicated crossovers with varying (and sometimes conflicting) rules and etiquettes between the lifestyle community and the hotwife, cuckhold, BDSM, and LGBTQ communities.
All women are bi and no men are bi (sarcasm intended).
D*unk encounters are a terrible idea.
Any other advice "
They don’t tell you it’s rather addictive and makes you more curious |
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"People talk about the most mundane things like they are at a bus stop, even though people are having sex feet away. I’ve heard weather, energy prices and golf, as if the conversationalists were oblivious to where they actually are "
Haha
We where in a room at a club having fun with another couple.
A lady just outside the room starting banging on about an episode of one of the soaps as if it was reality.
Paul soon started to find this ladies commentary had an impact on his fun.
Poor lad....
Its a strange old world. |
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"That despite many couples wanting to meet the ultimate: a unicorn, an attractive single woman will still be left at a bar, on a couples / single ladies club night with no-one approaching or chatting to her all night 🤦🏻♂️"
We've seen some single ladies in clubs be a tad rude to single guys.
As a woman I find their behaviour a little disingenuous.
Lots of guys are quite frightened and intimidated on club visits.
And some of the woman wouldn't get a second glance in a vanilla environment.
I know some guys can be a bit of a limpet but the vast majority in clubs are well behaved.
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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There are people from all walks of life and all shapes, sizes, ages and races.
Treat them all with the same respect regardless if you want to have sex with them or not. |
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"They are great if you have low body confidence. Also great to make new friends x"
When I first started going to clubs a few years ago
What made it real fun , was , everyone’s accepted , regardless of gender, colour , size and shape
Felt like a real community where you leave the outside world at the entrance door |
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"They are great if you have low body confidence. Also great to make new friends x
When I first started going to clubs a few years ago
What made it real fun , was , everyone’s accepted , regardless of gender, colour , size and shape
Felt like a real community where you leave the outside world at the entrance door "
Exactly this. It felt freeing x |
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"They are great if you have low body confidence. Also great to make new friends x
When I first started going to clubs a few years ago
What made it real fun , was , everyone’s accepted , regardless of gender, colour , size and shape
Felt like a real community where you leave the outside world at the entrance door
Exactly this. It felt freeing x"
It did and was actually very relaxed fun , dare I say it normal people , loosing any stigma regardless that’s why I started swinging x |
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"There is always a few guys (mostly) that latch on to a woman or couple, and latch on. They don't even try to talk, just become your shadow, following everywhere.
Does that actually work? "
Definitely not and as a single chap here it’s rather embarrassing to watch this happening
I’ve been to clubs with a lady friend and we do sometimes feel crowded when playing |
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"They didnt tell us you could order a lamb shank when visiting a certain club...
Suppose you've got to recharge your batteries! "
The food is great isn’t it , the lamb was all gone last night….did you have the last one  |
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"There are sometimes groups of men that wander around looking lost. They remind me of the ducks you see at the park x
I don't remember the ducks walking around with their cocks out in full view.  "
You've not been to the right parks then. There are cocks at a farm x  |
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"That despite many couples wanting to meet the ultimate: a unicorn, an attractive single woman will still be left at a bar, on a couples / single ladies club night with no-one approaching or chatting to her all night 🤦🏻♂️
This has happened to me a few times when I first got brave enough to go the clubs. My resting bitch face must have been set to high x "
See I think the reason for that is when you are there with a partner, the guy has to be mindful of not making the existing partner jealous. I've had exactly that happen with a couple of different women. They were up for the idea of an MMF, but the moment I try to chat to a woman - betrayal 🤷🏽♂️😄
Bizarre but this is the world we live in. |
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"There are sometimes groups of men that wander around looking lost. They remind me of the ducks you see at the park x
I don't remember the ducks walking around with their cocks out in full view.
You've not been to the right parks then. There are cocks at a farm x "
Evidently 😁 |
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"That despite many couples wanting to meet the ultimate: a unicorn, an attractive single woman will still be left at a bar, on a couples / single ladies club night with no-one approaching or chatting to her all night 🤦🏻♂️
This has happened to me a few times when I first got brave enough to go the clubs. My resting bitch face must have been set to high x
See I think the reason for that is when you are there with a partner, the guy has to be mindful of not making the existing partner jealous. I've had exactly that happen with a couple of different women. They were up for the idea of an MMF, but the moment I try to chat to a woman - betrayal 🤷🏽♂️😄
I think you may be right there mate , not all but yes an element of this
All said though if I’m going with a lady I agree parameters first , I m happy for them to play either others , if they feel uncomfortable with me with another lady I do get that and will adhere to their wishes as she needs to feel comfortable and protected
Bizarre but this is the world we live in."
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"There are sometimes groups of men that wander around looking lost. They remind me of the ducks you see at the park x"
Described to me in Chameleons as "the wanking dead". I try very hard never to appear to be one of those when I'm solo |
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"People talk about the most mundane things like they are at a bus stop, even though people are having sex feet away. I’ve heard weather, energy prices and golf, as if the conversationalists were oblivious to where they actually are "
Oh wow yes. Gay saunas are full of older folk talking about traffic on the A69. And where to park the caravan. |
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"That despite many couples wanting to meet the ultimate: a unicorn, an attractive single woman will still be left at a bar, on a couples / single ladies club night with no-one approaching or chatting to her all night 🤦🏻♂️
This has happened to me a few times when I first got brave enough to go the clubs. My resting bitch face must have been set to high x
See I think the reason for that is when you are there with a partner, the guy has to be mindful of not making the existing partner jealous. I've had exactly that happen with a couple of different women. They were up for the idea of an MMF, but the moment I try to chat to a woman - betrayal 🤷🏽♂️😄
Bizarre but this is the world we live in."
I was there as a single woman. I like to think I'm friendly and approachable, I'm never mean or nasty. It is what it is I suppose x |
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We love the club settings, we try to look friendly and approachable and have met some new friends that way, not always ones who we want to play with but ones you can go to events with to play with others.
People who talk really loud in inappropriate areas (dungeon, cinema rooms, group play rooms) are a nuisance. We are always mindful and if we need to speak to anyone, it’s always in whispers or we move away from the people playing.
I’ve been part of a couple who have been in the lifestyle for our whole relationship. We have always gone to clubs together and, for me there is some comfort in that. I’ve only ever been to a club alone twice in 17 years and I hated it. Completely out of my comfort zone and I was as nervous as hell.
Our inbox is always open if anyone needs guidance on clubs if needed.
Lil x |
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We visit the naturist beach/dunes just outside Barmouth in North Wales.
Loads of people complain of single guys wandering around, call them Meerkats.
We find a simple "hello" will either result in them running away or having a pleasant conversation.
The same applies in clubs, if a guy is hovering, engage with him, it could be he's afraid of engaging himself.
A smile and a "hello" costs nothing.
The old problem of "cliques".
Its very difficult, even for couples, to join a few couples already in conversation, the fear conversation will stop and all eyes turn on you.
Over the years we've been blanked and cold shouldered by a few ignorant pricks but just smile and move on.
We would suggest saying "hi" to everyone you pass and see how they react.
Swinging draws from a broad church, your vanilla life is generally from people very similar to yourself, so just bear that in mind when chatting to folks.
It's a great journey with lots of fun and new experiences. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"We love the club settings, we try to look friendly and approachable and have met some new friends that way, not always ones who we want to play with but ones you can go to events with to play with others.
People who talk really loud in inappropriate areas (dungeon, cinema rooms, group play rooms) are a nuisance. We are always mindful and if we need to speak to anyone, it’s always in whispers or we move away from the people playing.
I’ve been part of a couple who have been in the lifestyle for our whole relationship. We have always gone to clubs together and, for me there is some comfort in that. I’ve only ever been to a club alone twice in 17 years and I hated it. Completely out of my comfort zone and I was as nervous as hell.
Our inbox is always open if anyone needs guidance on clubs if needed.
Lil x"
Very kind offer, aren’t you worried that your inbox might soon be maxed out with emails from the ducks 😆 |
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Swinging draws from a broad church, your vanilla life is generally from people very similar to yourself, so just bear that in mind when chatting to folks."
I think this is one of the great things about the site. You meet so many different types of people. Everyone is different but everyone is also the same. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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As a single female, I tend to go to clubs on my own. The most awkward I've ever felt was a couples/ sgl woman night. They were all backs against the wall and as I scanned the room they averted their eyes. I realise I'm not everyone's cup of tea but I'll never put myself in that environment again. Tried saying hello and just got dirty looks from the females of the couples and a hopeful/disappointed slouch from the guys. Weird. |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"That despite many couples wanting to meet the ultimate: a unicorn, an attractive single woman will still be left at a bar, on a couples / single ladies club night with no-one approaching or chatting to her all night 🤦🏻♂️"
My message was in response to yours x |
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"We love the club settings, we try to look friendly and approachable and have met some new friends that way, not always ones who we want to play with but ones you can go to events with to play with others.
People who talk really loud in inappropriate areas (dungeon, cinema rooms, group play rooms) are a nuisance. We are always mindful and if we need to speak to anyone, it’s always in whispers or we move away from the people playing.
I’ve been part of a couple who have been in the lifestyle for our whole relationship. We have always gone to clubs together and, for me there is some comfort in that. I’ve only ever been to a club alone twice in 17 years and I hated it. Completely out of my comfort zone and I was as nervous as hell.
Our inbox is always open if anyone needs guidance on clubs if needed.
Lil x
Very kind offer, aren’t you worried that your inbox might soon be maxed out with emails from the ducks 😆"
It happens already, I just wish more people actually read these messages profile first  |
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"That despite many couples wanting to meet the ultimate: a unicorn, an attractive single woman will still be left at a bar, on a couples / single ladies club night with no-one approaching or chatting to her all night 🤦🏻♂️
This has happened to me a few times when I first got brave enough to go the clubs. My resting bitch face must have been set to high x
See I think the reason for that is when you are there with a partner, the guy has to be mindful of not making the existing partner jealous. I've had exactly that happen with a couple of different women. They were up for the idea of an MMF, but the moment I try to chat to a woman - betrayal 🤷🏽♂️😄
Bizarre but this is the world we live in.
I was there as a single woman. I like to think I'm friendly and approachable, I'm never mean or nasty. It is what it is I suppose x"
The issue isn't with the single ladies, it's about the dynamic in the couple and the male half's desire to get some action despite being on the female partners leash 😁
Now that I'm single, I'd definitely chat you up at the bar darling 
Fancy a lemonade? 😉 |
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"As a single female, I tend to go to clubs on my own. The most awkward I've ever felt was a couples/ sgl woman night. They were all backs against the wall and as I scanned the room they averted their eyes. I realise I'm not everyone's cup of tea but I'll never put myself in that environment again. Tried saying hello and just got dirty looks from the females of the couples and a hopeful/disappointed slouch from the guys. Weird."
That's really funny 😁 I imagine the wives are thinking "stay away from my man you hussy". But when a muscly guy walks into the room... "yeah baby" 😂 |
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Don't think vanilla people realise how social the scene is, we've learned lots of fascinating things just but talking to people. People talk in clubs, totally different to pubs where it's rare to talk to complete strangers... also it's totally normal to chat with people you have zero interest in sexually.
Lastly it's surprising that how difficult it is to move on to the sex phase , most just dance round it  |
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"That despite many couples wanting to meet the ultimate: a unicorn, an attractive single woman will still be left at a bar, on a couples / single ladies club night with no-one approaching or chatting to her all night 🤦🏻♂️
This has happened to me a few times when I first got brave enough to go the clubs. My resting bitch face must have been set to high x
See I think the reason for that is when you are there with a partner, the guy has to be mindful of not making the existing partner jealous. I've had exactly that happen with a couple of different women. They were up for the idea of an MMF, but the moment I try to chat to a woman - betrayal 🤷🏽♂️😄
Bizarre but this is the world we live in.
I was there as a single woman. I like to think I'm friendly and approachable, I'm never mean or nasty. It is what it is I suppose x
The issue isn't with the single ladies, it's about the dynamic in the couple and the male half's desire to get some action despite being on the female partners leash 😁
Now that I'm single, I'd definitely chat you up at the bar darling
Fancy a lemonade? 😉"
Of course. Lead the way kind Sir x |
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"There are sometimes groups of men that wander around looking lost. They remind me of the ducks you see at the park x"
This is way I've never been to a club, would be too awkward being solo male  |
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"There are sometimes groups of men that wander around looking lost. They remind me of the ducks you see at the park x"
That explains it. We were at a club once, and I'm sure I overheard a woman saying that she only comes to clubs when she fancies a good duck... |
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"There are sometimes groups of men that wander around looking lost. They remind me of the ducks you see at the park x
This is way I've never been to a club, would be too awkward being solo male "
Don't wander in the packs and it can be great fun.. you might even find a single lady with a resting bitch face that is worth approaching |
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"They didnt tell us you could order a lamb shank when visiting a certain club...
Suppose you've got to recharge your batteries! "
And also a roast dinner (Sundays only).
Still helps us keep going all day there. |
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Not everone in a club is a swinger. Over the years we've got chatting to a couple of monogamous couples who just go for the environment. Who go simply to watch and be watched but not play with others. Or a naturist couple once on the sunndeck at Chameleons. Again monogamous but use the club for sunbathing and just enjoy the freedom to heavy pet without the trouble they'd get if they didn't that at a vanilla naturist venue. And a few years ago Mrs had a birthday party in a club. We had a couple of close and trusted vanilla freinds come. Although we didn't convert them they really enjoyed the atmosphere of the club and had a great time. |
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By *sj75Couple 42 weeks ago
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"People talk about the most mundane things like they are at a bus stop, even though people are having sex feet away. I’ve heard weather, energy prices and golf, as if the conversationalists were oblivious to where they actually are
Definitely written by a bloke lol
How one dimensional would a person be if all they ever talked about was sex?"
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By (user no longer on site) 42 weeks ago
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"They didnt tell us you could order a lamb shank when visiting a certain club...
Suppose you've got to recharge your batteries!
And also a roast dinner (Sundays only).
Still helps us keep going all day there."
Portions are huge too |
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if your a single male be prepared to pay more than anyone else to get in to the club and in some clubs there will be areas single males are not allowed in as it’s strictly for couples however single women are allowed and generally get in cheaper that anyone else. For such a so called excepting community it’s completely sexist in the club environment. |
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"if your a single male be prepared to pay more than anyone else to get in to the club and in some clubs there will be areas single males are not allowed in as it’s strictly for couples however single women are allowed and generally get in cheaper that anyone else. For such a so called excepting community it’s completely sexist in the club environment. "
I remember my first experience as a single guy in a club. Shown to the single guys changing room. It was basically a broom cupboard with a few knackered old rusty lockers and not enough room to swing a cat. Then later returning to the very same club after we got together as a couple and being shown the ladies and couple changing room. It was huge and like a Palace in comparison. Working lockers, space, chairs, good lighting. I was like WTF. When you've done the club scene as a single guy and as a couple you see the difference and in how some clubs treat single guys are very much second class citizens. It wasn't so much the cost that irked me (I understand that factor), it was paying more yet being treated significatly worse. Im a paying customer like anyone else I should have an equivalent standard of service shouldn't I? I say some because some clubs treat single guys more fairly than others. |
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